No stitches, just platelets and will power
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
