hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
