Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
