But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
