The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this just has baby written all over it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
