What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That accounts for only three of the penises
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
