It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
