so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
