he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
