i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
