Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
