Sorry, I don't speak sober.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
