I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
