The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
