my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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