Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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