So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I want a musical about memes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
