I just pynch a tree in the face
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
