Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize