onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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