He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
