i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize