He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
