Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
