Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
