please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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