i just wanna soil my oats bro
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
