dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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