If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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