Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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