she woke up with a sticky ear
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
