I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize