everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
