I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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