Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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