Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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