Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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