Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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