margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
