This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
