She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize