im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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