Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
