I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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