i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
