i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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