I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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