you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
