His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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