I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
a search helicopter?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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