WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
