got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
