No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
