I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
