I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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