Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I AM VODKA MAN
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
