it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
