Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
