You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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