Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
