did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
