i just google imaged poop.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
