One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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