so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
