At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize