and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just had sex on a roof
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
