Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize