glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
