is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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